


Bigger Than Myself

by NonReviewingReadersWillBeShot



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dark Past, In-game Screenshots, M/M, Mentioned Revenge Killings, Opposites Attract, Past Relationship(s), Picture Filled Fic, Psychological Trauma, Self-Reflection, mentioned torture, unhealthy thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23054350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NonReviewingReadersWillBeShot/pseuds/NonReviewingReadersWillBeShot
Summary: The Herald became the unofficial leader of the newly formed Inquisition against his will. He had no real desire to help even though the world was threatened by the Breach. Until one day when on a whim he went to speak with Fiona after her invitation in Val Royeaux.
Relationships: Male Lavellan/Dorian Pavus
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Bigger Than Myself

**Author's Note:**

> This is an interesting headcanon I have for my elf, and thought I would share. There is more to come, but I have no idea when I will get to it and I make no promises, I did only just start my playthrough with him. His unofficial backstory can be found here: https://www.nexusmods.com/dragonageinquisition/images/18507 
> 
> I also have a random facts sheet that may be helpful: https://nonrebloggingviewerswillbeshot.tumblr.com/post/613345330553110528/random-filavandrel-factsdai-oc-you-may-or-may
> 
> I recommend reading that before coming back to read this. Filavandrel is a little messed up as well and I don't apologize for that. In fact this fic was a bit darker before I edited out some things, which may show up later.  
> Enjoy!

  
Long, dark hair.

Piercing eyes.

A cheeky smile that exuded confidence and charm.

These were the first things I saw. Despite the fade rift, and the demons that were pouring out of it.

Seeing him made me recall the part of myself I had suppressed.

The fleeting moment that had been ripped away from me years ago.

The side to me that caused my father to lead the clan in a massacre against the residents of a small town the day I was discovered.

I liked men.

And worst of all to my father, I was attracted to _shemlen_ men.

If my father could see me now he would probably die on the spot from anger. Not only was I being labeled the Herald of Andraste, which would be cause enough for him to demand my life for going against the gods, but now I was falling for a human again. He wasn’t even just any human either; he was a mage from Tevinter. If my father’s racist, hatred dripping, blathering was anything to go by, I should have already tried to kill this man.

Perhaps even Dorian saw me as nothing but a being who’s only worth was to cater to his every whim.

A slave.

But that didn’t entirely matter to me at the time. One thing my father failed to understand was that even though I was an elf, I cared almost nothing for our culture, our gods, or the cities and lives we used to have. My life was simple and that was how I liked it. Wars happen, civilizations fall, and ours was no different. If it wasn’t Tevinter, it would have been someone else, so I had no reason to hate them. My views weren’t appreciated, but I wasn’t the kind to hold useless grudges and waste my time on them.

I also couldn’t control my feelings that sprung up whenever I saw an attractive man. This feeling wasn’t new, but this was the first time since Radon that I felt something more than a physical temptation. Rather it was a need to know this man, get closer to him, connect with him, but I also couldn’t deny my fear. The fear that perhaps the feelings I had would be brutally crushed again.

That this man’s life would be put in danger if he got close to me.

Usually a mage would be in grave danger if they showed themselves in front of me. I hunted mages, I _killed_ mages, and yet I found that I didn’t want to kill him, or even hurt him like I had hurt the others. Indeed, I saw none of their evil in him. Instead, I felt the need to protect him. With how expertly he handled the demons though, he didn’t seem to need typical protection.

The only thing he needed to be protected from, was what Thedas needed to be protected from.

The Breach.

I was against the title of Herald, and still don’t completely know what to think of the implication behind it, that I was perhaps led on this path by the Maker himself. I was against being a part of the Inquisition. At first all that mattered to me was clearing my name and getting out of the mess alive, but a trip through time with Dorian was all I needed to convince me I needed to start giving a fuck about the world.

The future I saw was worse than anything beyond my wildest dreams.

I had initially intended to seek out the Templars because at least I could agree with their desire to control mages, but Dorian changed all of that. This man was single-handedly, albeit perhaps unintentionally, giving me all the reasons I needed to change my attitude and start being a proper contributor to the Inquisition.

If not for myself, then for the rest of the world.

And…

For him.


End file.
